Friday, 26 May 2017

Reflecting

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So my time at university has absolutely flown by as everyone said it would and I can't quite believe that after one more placement I will be heading out to work as a qualified physiotherapist. I have met some of the best people and have made unforgettable memories.
But as it is all coming to an end I can't help thinking of  how this journey definitely hasn't been plain-sailing. As well as learning how to be a physiotherapist, which is challenging enough at times, I had the mammoth task of learning how to deal with my RA whilst on placement and was forced to think about the implications it may have on my career. 
This time last year I was so ready to quit the course and completely rethink my career choice. I had just failed placement and couldn't see how I would ever be successful on this path. With support from family, friends and tutors at university, all of which I can't thank enough, I got my shit together and completely changed my attitude towards having this condition. Ignoring it and pretending everything is dandy is how I thought I was coping and I have now come to realise that is no way to deal with anything. 
I don't mean for this blog post to be a complete pity party as there is so many positive things to come out of my uni experience. I have come a long way since this time last year; I am well on board with practicing self-care and putting my self first and after having positive experiences and surrounding myself with great people I finally have belief in myself. Although I still need to work on it, I have grown to appreciate the value of  talking to someone about how I'm feeling. It isn't the easiest thing to do but you'll be surprised at the amount of people actually willing to listen to my random thoughts and rants. Blogging is great too, not just for venting but it has connected me with people in similar positions.
So I will just end this post by saying thanks to the wonderful people I've met at uni.
Peace out University of Brighton xxx

Saturday, 15 April 2017

accepting the diagnosis of a chronic condition





Receiving the diagnosis of a chronic condition might seem like life is giving you a whole load of bitter, horrible lemons. What you then decide to do with those lemons is a very individual process. For me having anger and being upset seemed pointless as it wasn't going to change anything but I am sure there are people who have felt completely different. Grabbing tequila and salt did seem like a very good idea at the time I was diagnosed; not even because I was bitter or sad but as I have explained in previous posts I didn't actually know how to feel.
Having this diagnosis didn't mean a whole lot to me at the time, I was aware that it wasn't going away but was unaware of the extent to which it would affect me day to day. So I just got on with it, took my medication and carried on as normal most days. But as I went through placements and was beginning to see the potential impacts on my career due to my RA I thought maybe this isn't the best way to deal with it. Hardly talking about it with family and friends meant that it was difficult to talk to colleagues about it. This made me question: Have I actually accepted my diagnosis or am I just pretending it is nothing to worry about?
I did some reading on what it means to accept a diagnosis and came across many conflicting ideas; a few of which I could really relate to. I saw someone saying that they don't label themselves as disabled, hardly talk about it and use phrases like "I am a fighter". They then went to a counselor who said these are behaviours which reflect the attitude that they are in denial about their condition.
However, for me to be a fighter doesn't mean pretending the problem doesn't exist. Since experiencing problems related to my RA on placement, I have reflected and come up with ways to overcome barriers and manage the condition whilst not surrendering and letting it stop me pursuing the career I want. To me this is being a "fighter" ;admitting there is a problem and that there will be bad days but also learning to embrace the good days, focus on what I can do rather than what I can't do because for me a positive mindset is how I cope. 
It might take months or years to accept it and it isn't going to be something that just happens overnight. When thinking back I definitely didn't accept it at first but each problem faced is a learning curve that has shaped my attitude. I have cried and felt frustrated about it and that's okay. Bad days are inevitable and going back to the metaphor of life giving you lemons, some days you may choose to grab tequila and salt, throw the lemons or squirt them in someone's eyes but other days the lemons just remain in the kitchen cupboard, not having an impact on your life. Personally, knowing how to cope with the bad days, knowing when to stop and take it easy is being accepting of my diagnosis.

Monday, 27 March 2017

So I did it...

I successfully completed 1 month without alcohol yesterday and I honestly couldn't be prouder of myself.
As much as I enjoyed having a drink and toasting my amazing mum yesterday for mother's day, I also feel like I benefitted and learnt a lot from keeping away from alcohol for a bit.
The perks included:
- no hangovers
- saving money
- remembering evenings out with friends
- realising I can have fun without it at the      pub
- finding other ways to stress relief
- not having the whole "I made a fool out of myself" anxiety.
However, a few things did annoy me about it such as people telling me I wouldn't be able to do it, being asked if I'm sure I don't just want one drink and constant questions about why I'm doing it when I just want to peacefully drink my j2o.
Despite the challenges and temptations to have a drink, I feel good that I have done this sober month and would definitely recommend it as an opportunity to reflect and realise what you need to focus on.
Thanks to those who supported me, means the world... Here's a picture of me, back in my familiar territory

Thursday, 2 March 2017

Happy Spring!



So, it's the start of my favourite season; a new month and the start of Spring. 
This month I have decided to give up alcohol, not for any particular reason but as more of a challenge to myself. For anyone who knows me well will know that I love a drink and would rarely turn down the opportunity to have a drink with my friends/family. Call me boring, doubt me, say what you like but I am taking on this challenge. 
The last few times I have gotten drunk, I have spent the next day trying to piece together the night and almost undoubtedly remember something stupid I did or said that night (nothing major to regret just silly things) and am left feeling like a tit with a horrible hangover. Don't get me wrong, I am not giving up alcohol forever and I am not going to judge those that are out getting drunk, but I feel that while I am poor, on placement and have better things to focus on, I don't feel it all that necessary to be going out and getting smashed on a weekend. 
Half way through this month I will probably be super stressed out and in need of a bottle of wine and a funny drunken night with my friends but I love to prove people wrong and aim to do so by giving up alcohol for the month. I dread to think how much of a lightweight I will be when I next have a drink, but look forward to feeling fresh every weekend and not having to go through the awful bank balance check the morning after a night out. 
So wish me luck or place bets on how long I will last, I don't mind. I will keep you posted.

Thursday, 2 February 2017

Highs and lows of January

Again I'm writing a more general post rather than one specifically about my RA so welcome to my interesting life outside that part of me.


January is always seen as a depressing month of being broke, not much to look forward to and horrible cold weather. However, despite these negatives I feel I've had a good and relatively stress-free month so I thought I would share my highs and lows of January.


Highs:
- Being on placement alongside one of the most friendly and supportive team of physios I have ever worked with.
- I have developed my confidence as a physio and a person. I feel a lot more positive about the year to come and have a lot more self-belief.
- I feel I have invested time in good friends and company this month.
- I have distanced myself from one-sided friendships
- I started the year with some of my favourite people.
- I am also (temporarily) out of my overdraft so money hasn't been one of my biggest worries for once


Lows:
-The weather.. typically British to be complaining about the weather but I really do hate the cold
- Donald Trump.. need I say more
- Christmas being over
- My breathing being crap
- And realising that nothing hugely exciting is happening in the next few months and I will be focusing on my dissertation.


Saturday, 31 December 2016

16 things I've learnt in 2016


1) I literally have the best and most supportive family and friends I could ever wish for.

2) Don't let anyone tell you what to do, try and change you or make you feel uncomfortable about yourself.

3) You have to believe in yourself before anyone else believes in you

4) Confidence takes a long time to come back after being knocked

5) Failure sucks

6) Never underestimate the ability of food to cheer you up

7) Having brunch out is one of my favourite things to do

8) Charity shops are amazing for buying clothes

9) If people don't make you feel good about yourself remove them from your life

10) I'm most content when abroad in a hot country drinking a mojito with good company

11) I make a pretty decent caramel latte.. who needs starbucks?

12) I nap a hell of a lot

13) My time management is awful

14) Always say how you feel 

15) To-do lists have the ability to make me think I have my life in order

16) I thrive from positive people/experiences and don't have time for those who bring others down constantly

Peace out 2016 and happy new year everyone xoxo


Tuesday, 13 December 2016

Q&A post

Thank you to everyone who kindly asked me questions regarding my RA to help me in my mission to educate and inform people what it is like to live with this condition. I am very grateful!
I hope my responses answer your questions well and you feel you gain a better understanding after reading this post.

1) How does RA affect your eating habits?
I don't really think it has changed much in terms of what I eat. However, I do notice a difference when I have a week of eating particularly unhealthy, I feel the start of a flare-up or feel absolutely exhausted. So I guess I try to just eat a balanced diet but don't feel I have made any drastic changes since being diagnosed. I still treat myself to a KFC probably a bit too often! Also, before being diagnosed and when my symptoms weren't under control I struggled a fair bit with cutting up food due to pain but it didn't really stop me eating it.

2) What medication are you on and how often do you take it?
I am on Naproxen which is a Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug (NSAID). I take it as and when I need it but while on placement I feel I benefit more from taking it 3 times a day.
I am also on Hydroxychloroquine which is known as a Disease Modifying Anti-Rheumatic Drug (DMARD) which helps tackle the underlying cause rather than symptoms. This medication has worked wonders for me and I take it once a day.

3) What was your initial reaction to getting diagnosed?
Initially I was actually quite relieved. I finally knew what was causing the painful and swollen joints I was experiencing. I was also a bit confused as to why I was being diagnosed with a condition I had previously associated with 'old people' at the age of 18. Then after reading up more about the condition I did start to feel anxious about impacts it may have on my future. I found myself on google and the NRAS website a lot, trying to make sense of it all.

4) Had you heard of RA before getting diagnosed?
I had heard of it before getting diagnosed but this was only because I was having symptoms for about a year before getting diagnosed and naturally took to googling what it could be while the doctors weren't doing a whole lot to help me get tested. I had heard of arthritis but was not aware of the specific types and how they differ.

5) What part of your lifestyle has it affected most and why?
More recently I would say it has affected me on placement the most, so in the career aspect of my life. This is because on my first placement I began to realise the impact this condition may have on my future and it was the first time I felt my RA was limiting me in my ability to do what I could do previously. I think it was on placement where I first cried about being diagnosed due to the reality of it hitting me. Also it was brought up in conversation most days while I was there. This was something I was unfamiliar with as most days prior to this experience I could just crack on without it crossing mine or other people's minds. It is more of a 'fear of the unknown' type of feeling as it is such an unpredictable condition with both physical and psychological impacts.

6) What is the biggest change you've made to day to day tasks?
I can't really say I've made any changes to my day to day routine or tasks. Only when I have flare-ups I will probably change the way I do things and try to do less throughout the day so as not to aggravate pain further. This also depends on where the flare up is. If in my hands or wrist I would probably just use the other hand more or hopefully have someone around to help! If I have a flare up in my shoulder, again I would use the other arm more for doing things like lifting and try to sleep on the other side, although shoulder pain does make sleep very difficult.

7) What are other treatments apart from medication?
As a physiotherapist in training I guess I should probably say physio and exercise. I haven't had any physio for it myself but since I started using the gym more regularly and becoming generally more active I have noticed a reduction in symptoms and just feeling more energized. But to those with RA and not much knowledge of what exercise you can do and how much, I would definitely recommend talking to a physiotherapist for guidance.

8) Would you ever consider surgery?
At the moment I probably wouldn't. Firstly because I don't feel like I need it at this stage and also because I would rather try other management strategies before resorting to surgery, But if i needed it later on in life I would be up for it if it were to improve my quality of life for the better!

9) What does RA affect most in your day to day life?
At the moment I would say fatigue is the biggest problem for me. By the end of the day on placement, getting back to my bed to nap was almost unavoidable. Like I know being tired after being busy is normal but this kind of tiredness feels different to anything I experienced before having Rheumatoid Arthritis. As I progress through placements, I am attempting to come up with better ways of managing it.

10) Does RA/the associated medication effect your mood? And if yes in what way?
As far as I am aware, the medication I'm on hasn't affected my mood and I don't think mood changes were listed as side effects. However, the RA itself can effect my mood occasionally. It's not like I am down about it everyday or anything but if I am having a flare-up it can effect my motivation to do things which leads to overthinking and worrying. But I try not to let it get to me and my friends and family do a pretty good job at allowing me to forget about it.

11) Have you ever let your RA stop you from doing anything?
Ermmm.. I don't think I've ever thought to myself  'I can't do that.. I have RA' but I guess of I'm in pain that day I will make careful decisions not to do anything that will cause further pain. But on the whole it hasn't stopped me going to uni, going on nights out, socialising, having a part-time job, going on holidays or exercising (most of the time). I have a more 'don't knock it until you try it' kind of approach.

12) What age were you diagnosed?
I was diagnosed at age 18, in late 2013.. I am now 21. Started getting symptoms when I was 16 or 17.

13) What does a flare up feel like?
The affected joint normally feels hot to touch. I normally have visible inflammation with a noticeable difference between right and left if only one side is affected at a time. Also PAIN.. the main thing which is felt! Describing pain is always difficult but the words throbbing and burning describe the initial feeling which after a day or two becomes more achey and heavy. I also feel a lot more tired than usual and often can't sleep, ironic ay?! When I first had symptoms before seeing the rheumatologist and getting treatment, I did occasionally use to feel sick as well because the pain was so bad.

14) Does arthritis run in your family?
No, well not that I know of. Strange though as RA is normally genetic so getting diagnosed was pretty random for me.

15) Does having RA effect activities you used to do?
I don't think it has directly stopped me doing something. I did give up running but it wasn't because of being diagnosed and I have gone on runs since and have been fine with it. I have even taken up new activities such as going to the gym so it's fair to say the diagnosis hasn't had a drastic day-to-day effect.

16) Does your diagnosis make you feel angry or optimistic?
Hmm. I can't really say I've ever felt optimistic about it but it definitely hasn't been all negative. When I was first diagnosed I can't really say I was angry; I was relieved to have a diagnosis of something so I could start getting the right treatment and know how to manage it. When it impacted on my performance on placement I can't really say I was angry still because there is no one or nothing to really direct my anger or bitterness towards. It was no ones fault, it is just one of those unfortunate things but in my opinion not worth anger. I did however feel upset and anxious that this diagnosis will be with me my whole life and throughout my career. On my next two placements though I experienced minimal problems and was better equipped mentally to deal with the flare ups. This did give me hope that it won't always be bad and I can still do what I need to do to become a physiotherapist and I just have to adapt certain techniques and learn to manage stress and fatigue.


17) Do you ever think about the effect RA may have on your future?
Yes, it has crossed my mind a fair bit. The typical pictures you see associated with RA are of hand deformities caused by the RA and it does make me think "is that my future?" but at the same time I can look at it the other way and think there may be many new developments in research about treatment and management of arthritis. Also by keeping active now and attempting to do all the right things will hopefully minimise the damage in the future. At present it has only ever really effected the career part of my life and not any other aspect so it is hard for me to think about the effect it may have on other areas in the future.


18) How do you cope with the bad days/flare ups?
I like to think I deal with them pretty well now. I normally just dose up on anti-inflammatories and try to distract myself and hope the pain doesn't stop me from doing too much. But then again it can depend what I'm doing on the day. If I'm busy/need to get a lot done such as on placement, I realised the importance of telling my colleagues so they know I'm not just taking it easy for no good reason. Before seeing the rheumatologist I was not good at dealing with them both physically and mentally. Physically medication wouldn't touch the pain at all, I couldn't sleep because of the pain and on top of all that I didn't know what was causing the pain so altogether a stressful time.