Receiving the diagnosis of a chronic condition might seem like life is giving you a whole load of bitter, horrible lemons. What you then decide to do with those lemons is a very individual process. For me having anger and being upset seemed pointless as it wasn't going to change anything but I am sure there are people who have felt completely different. Grabbing tequila and salt did seem like a very good idea at the time I was diagnosed; not even because I was bitter or sad but as I have explained in previous posts I didn't actually know how to feel.
Having this diagnosis didn't mean a whole lot to me at the time, I was aware that it wasn't going away but was unaware of the extent to which it would affect me day to day. So I just got on with it, took my medication and carried on as normal most days. But as I went through placements and was beginning to see the potential impacts on my career due to my RA I thought maybe this isn't the best way to deal with it. Hardly talking about it with family and friends meant that it was difficult to talk to colleagues about it. This made me question: Have I actually accepted my diagnosis or am I just pretending it is nothing to worry about?
I did some reading on what it means to accept a diagnosis and came across many conflicting ideas; a few of which I could really relate to. I saw someone saying that they don't label themselves as disabled, hardly talk about it and use phrases like "I am a fighter". They then went to a counselor who said these are behaviours which reflect the attitude that they are in denial about their condition.
However, for me to be a fighter doesn't mean pretending the problem doesn't exist. Since experiencing problems related to my RA on placement, I have reflected and come up with ways to overcome barriers and manage the condition whilst not surrendering and letting it stop me pursuing the career I want. To me this is being a "fighter" ;admitting there is a problem and that there will be bad days but also learning to embrace the good days, focus on what I can do rather than what I can't do because for me a positive mindset is how I cope.
It might take months or years to accept it and it isn't going to be something that just happens overnight. When thinking back I definitely didn't accept it at first but each problem faced is a learning curve that has shaped my attitude. I have cried and felt frustrated about it and that's okay. Bad days are inevitable and going back to the metaphor of life giving you lemons, some days you may choose to grab tequila and salt, throw the lemons or squirt them in someone's eyes but other days the lemons just remain in the kitchen cupboard, not having an impact on your life. Personally, knowing how to cope with the bad days, knowing when to stop and take it easy is being accepting of my diagnosis.
